Chubby Teletubby Automatons (CTAs)

Artificial Stupidity?

Dec 13, 2023

CTAs (“Commodity Trading Advisor” for those who don’t know, though “Chubby Teletubby Automatons” is more accurate) are these black boxes that seem to roam the markets uncontrollably. Think of them like robotic Teletubbies with machine guns.

On one hand they sound cute and fuzzy but on the other hand they bring fear and havoc, especially to those caught offside from the CTAs’ relentless buying and selling.

Goldmans Sachs seems to have a knack for understanding how the CTAs are positioned and claims to be able to predict their behaviour based on certain outcomes.

For example, today Dec 13th 2023, Goldmans said that over the next 1 month:

IF the tape is FLAT, then the CTAs will buy $26bn in equities
IF the tape is UP, then the CTAs will buy $41bn in equities
IF the tape is DOWN, then the CTAs will sell $216bn in equities

Goldmans also shows that CTAs are the longest they’ve been in a very long time, since 2014! And 9 years in the lifespan of a Teletubby is like an eternity.

Now how does Goldmans have this privileged information? Given it’s Goldmans, it’s not impossible they have made an unholy pact with a dark entity and this black magic.

Or, these Teletubbies are such predictable momentum junkies that it’s really an easy equation to solve.

In which case, one has to wonder why someone would allocate so much money to these Teletubby Automatons where even Goldmans (with apologies to the Vampire Squid) can predict their next move with such accuracy, that allows Goldmans’ clients to position and pre-empt the Teletubbies.

I don’t know. It sounds like Mumbo Jumbo to me, but what would a Shrub know about Teletubbies? My job is first and foremost to figure out the Market Monkeys! I will leave the Teletubbies to Goldmans but I don’t think I’ll take their word for it.